Have you ever realized to your horror that you’ve become like your parents? Progressive Insurance has developed comedic commercials with the tag line, “Progressive can’t save you from becoming your parents, but we can save you money when you bundle home and auto with us.” I can’t tell you the number of times over the past years where I’ve spoken with the curtness of my father or reminisced like my mother. After years of nurturing, we tend to pick up many of the habits and idiosyncrasies of our parents. This is to be expected.

Studies show that brain synchrony occurs in relationships. For example, the phenomena of wives finishing their husband’s sentences has scientific backing. The more we spend time with someone the more we are inclined to think, act, and value in synchronization. The benefits of brain synchrony are many for marriage and family relationships. They can also pose significant challenges if we find ourselves bound by poor or damaging models in our relationships.

In his book, Practicing the Way, John Mark Comer observed how the manner in which we live shapes us and forms us.

“Run through your mental Rolodex of people past eighty: Most of them are either gracious, happy, grateful, patient, loving, self-giving people you know, just happy to be alive and sitting in the same room with you, or the most bitter, manipulative, spiteful people you know, oozing emotional poison into their family lines and reveling in others’ pain. Sure, some are in the middle of the bell curve, but most are noticeably to one side. That’s because they’ve spent almost a century becoming a person. Being formed.”

John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way

Comer identifies something important. Our behaviors and manner of living form us. Indeed, as noted with brain synchrony, we are formed by those we’re in close relationship with.

These scientific and observational conclusions intersect with spiritual practices as well. Have you ever met a Christian who is simply loving, kind, forgiving, gracious, generous, and thankful? I know some of those people. I also know those people spend time listening to Jesus speak through the Bible, praying to Jesus, meditating on Jesus’ Word, and worshiping Jesus. In other words, the more they spend time with Jesus the more they become like him.

The contrasting question informs as well. Have you ever met a person who is hateful, mean, resentful, bitter, selfish, and spiteful? I’m sure we all can think of some like that in our lives. How did they get that way? Are the Christians above just better people? What about if the person(s) you thought of claim to be Christians? How is that possible?

It is possible because a who person rejects Christ altogether or drifts away from relationship with Christ is disconnected from the relationship (brain synchrony) to form them in virtuous ways. A person without Christ (through rejection or drifting) has selfish roots that bear selfish and sinful fruit.

Last week, I wrote on Journey Outcome #6 “Grow in Christlikeness.” This post is a follow up, or a parentheses if you will. We cannot grow in Christlikeness merely out of desire or through behavior. I can’t make myself Christlike. But we can become more Christlike by spending time with him. This is the ultimate goal of Christ’s redemptive work. He wants his character and conduct revealed and reflected through his followers. He said to his disciples the world would know we belong to him by our love (John 13:34-35). We can’t contrive this development. It is supernatural, but also gloriously possible and accessible.

Jesus taught his followers that his yoke was easy and his burden was light (Matthew 11:28-29). For us to become Christlike, God must do a supernatural transforming work in us. It sounds quite overwhelming and burdensome. In truth, the reason it is light and easy is because God does all the heavy lifting. The Father planned and orchestrated the events and circumstances to bring Jesus to earth at the divinely appointed time. Jesus incarnated himself and lived a perfect, sinless life in order to become our substitute on the cross and our Savior through the resurrection. The indwelling Holy Spirit convicts us of our sinfulness, makes us new, and fills us for empowerment in Christian living. Our job in Christian maturing is not to do God’s supernatural work. Our job is to follow Jesus in an obedient, ongoing relationship. When we spend time with him this way, we will become more like Christ.

Here are some practical steps to spending time with Christ:

• Hear from Jesus and talk with him. In Journey Outcome #2 “Listen to God Daily” I noted that God wants to talk to us. While the Spirit of God can and does speak internally or mystically to us, God’s primary means of talking to us is the Bible. The next time you open the Bible, pray first. Ask God to help you see and hear what he wants to say to you. Read slowly and humbly enough to listen. Then when God does draw your heart and mind to something specific, pause again. Pray through and over the verse(s). Conversation with Jesus looks like reading the Bible prayerfully.
• Practice the presence of Jesus. Many Christians over the years have learned to practice the presence of Jesus. Essentially, this is Paul’s command to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Jesus is with us always (Matthew 28:20). Practicing his presence is simply living in constant awareness he is with you. Pray while driving (with eyes open), while folding laundry, while working outside, while sitting silently. Learn to enjoy the presence of Jesus who never leaves you.
• Meditate on Jesus’ Word and works. Thinking is underrated. Thinking deeply is severely underrated. Some of the greatest insights I’ve ever had regarding Scripture have happened as I’ve meditated and prayed on God’s Word. Matthew Bingham in his book A Heart Aflame for God discusses meditation as an integral means of spiritual growth. Meditation in the biblical sense is not emptying the mind but rather filling it with God’s thoughts (his Word). This takes time to be quiet and to mull over memorized Scripture. Oh what a fruitful exercise.
• Center your life on the wonder of Jesus. We’re in a series through the book of Revelation right now. Revelation at first glance is an intimidating book because of its apocalyptic imagery. But really, it is all about Jesus. In fact, Jesus is the central figure in all of history. We cannot become Christlike by centering our lives on ourselves. If we’re constantly focused on what we want, like, or desire, we’re sure to be selfish. To be Christlike means to let the rule of Christ and relationship with Christ be the first and primary place in life.

These practices are not complicated, but they do require intentionality. But what could be better than intentionally pursuing Christlikeness?