Being a part of a great church is a blessing. We have people joining and God working in hearts and lives. God’s work in us and through us is a joy.

But even as God works through us, we see the need for the gospel in our hearts and lives. In the gospel, we are made ambassadors of reconciliation. God reconciled us to Christ by taking our punishment on the cross. Being reconciled means that we now are friends with God. Paul makes this argument beautifully in 2 Corinthians 5. In this passage, Christians are encouraged to help others be reconciled to God by communicating the gospel.

It is not just sinners who are in need of being reconciled to God. It is often Christians who need to be reconciled to one another.

In Ephesians 4, Paul identified what it means for Christians to practice reconciliation with one another.

¹¹ And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, ¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, ¹³ until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, ¹⁴ so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. ¹⁵ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ¹⁶ from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:11-16

Paul’s argument goes like this. Gifts and church leaders are responsible to equip believers for the work of ministry. This work builds up believers into maturity. Note that being built up into Christ is plural. Paul uses the first person plural pronoun, “we,” three times in the passage. It is not just an individual maturing, but a community maturing. Each body of Christ (local church) is to grow into maturity and into love for one another.

The aim is nothing less than growing to look like Christ in maturity and love. By growing up into Christ-like maturity, we will be sound doctrinally (truth) and maturing relationally (love). The literal translation of verse fifteen is “truthing in love.” Our relational interactions must be governed by truth and love.

This means that a maturing church will have members who speak the truth in love with one another. This is the gospel at work in human relationships.

Paul’s advice sounds nice. It is kind, but not nice and certainly not easy. To apply the gospel in everyday interactions with others (family or church) requires speaking the truth in love.

“Truthing in love” means that the gospel brings reconciliation between offended, aggrieved, and sinned against Christians. When we apply the gospel by speaking the truth in love, we both confront with truth and seek reconciliation through love. Practicing reconciliation models the gospel for a lost world to see.

Following are some principles for putting Paul’s instructions into practice.

• When we refuse to confront with truth, we’re actually protecting our feelings not the other person. Not being truthful is unloving. Let’s use an extreme example. What if a person were an alcoholic? A refusal to intervene and confront a person with their alcoholism is a refusal to be truthful. By not confronting the person we may be protecting our feelings. But if we allow the person to live without a truthful confrontation, we’re simply enabling destructive behavior. To refuse to speak truthfully damages others rather than helps them.
• When we speak the truth without love, we’re often hiding behind opinions and judgments that will not bring reconciliation. In this example, the person is not afraid to confront. The confrontation is judgment or prophetic announcement. The Pharisees may have been doctrinally sound and “truthful” in much of what they claimed, but they were judgmental. Their methods rejected Jesus as Messiah and were life-taking, not life-giving. They were hypocrites.
• When we confront with truth in love, we’re accepting the pain of confrontation, love, and forgiveness. To speak truthfully in love is to accept the pain of forgiveness. Think about Christ. On the cross, Christ died for the sin of the world as a statement of truth about human sin. On the cross, Christ died to show the Father’s love for sinners. Embracing the cross, Jesus embraced the pain of truthful confrontation and loving reconciliation. Without the truth of human sin and deserved judgment, forgiveness would not have been possible. Without the love offered on the cross, reconciliation could not have been offered. For truth and love to combine, someone had to take the pain. Jesus took the pain so we could know the truth and be forgiven through love.

To reconcile with others requires truthful confrontation even if and especially when it is painful. Confrontation about sin is not easy. I’ve been confronted and had to confront. It is no fun task. We should not relish it like the Pharisees. The reason why is simple. Jesus taught in Matthew 18:10-15, and Paul taught in 1 Corinthians 5 that to remain in unrepentant sin was to be released to the devil and not a part of the church.

When confrontation, truth, love, and reconciliation are practiced, the gospel is displayed. Some of us reading this need to act. It’s past time to confront that loved one or church member with their sin or offense. We’re not confronting in pride or judgment. We’re confronting in love for the purpose of confession and reconciliation.

Some questions to ask before proceeding:

• Am I willing to take the pain of forgiving someone else?
• Is reconciliation my motive for confrontation?
• Have I examined and taken the log out of my own eye?

Read the passages above. Pray through the expectations of the texts. Examine yourself. Forgive. Speak the truth in love.