Christianity

Intentional Parenting

Last year, I read Jon Tyson’s book, The Intentional Father. Tyson writes about raising sons with courage and character in a world whose values are often in direct competition to biblical values. As a father of two sons, his book challenged and convicted me.

Our children are learning so many things from the culture around them. Most of the technologies that we interact with are simply not neutral. See Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation. The values of the culture are more often shaped by the “prince of this world” (Ephesians 2:2) than they are the Bible’s values. These realities convicted me to be more intentional about what I’m teaching my sons.

One reason I’m convicted about teaching my boys specific values is the brevity of time I have with them. Our Children’s Minister uses an illustration about a jar with 936 marbles in it to remind us of the brevity of life. For each week your child is at home with you, take one marble out. By the time your child graduates high school, you will take out 936 marbles–one for each week you have your child in your home. For some of us, we will have taken more marbles out than are left. Let that sink in.

Another reason, I’m convicted about teaching my boys specific values is one of Jon Tyson’s quotes: “We need to be good at being men, not just be good men.” Our responsibility is to teach and understand the expectations, character, and responsibility of being a man. Here’s the question I have wrestled with: “If I don’t teach my boys to (fill in the blank), who will?” Some of my blanks include practical things like mowing the grass, grilling food, handling hard conversations, spreading mulch, dealing with blisters, and more spiritual things like following Jesus, praying faithfully, and being wise.

With this in mind, I spent a good bit of time building a list of biblical and family values that I want my boys to grasp and own by the time they leave our home. I’m going to post the first nine of these values here (these are the one’s we’ve covered so far).

The value list below goes like this: Value, Motto, Scripture verse. My boys and I have memorized the value, motto, and Scripture verse and reviewed them regularly. Here is the list based on what we’ve covered so far. We typically will take a full week to review, memorize, and discuss.

  1. Gospel Value – The first core value I wanted my boys to grasp is the power of the gospel in daily living.
    Motto: We never graduate from the gospel.
    Scripture Verses: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. – Mt. 5;3.
    For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. – 2 Corinthians 5:21.
    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9.
  2. Love Value – A second core value has to do with the Great Commandments, loving God and loving others.
    Motto: JOY (Jesus, Others, You) Love Jesus above all; Love others next; Love self appropriately.
    Scripture Verses: And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” – Mt. 22:37-40
  3. Identity Value – In a culture that wants to define us by our feelings, stereotypes, and ideologies, we must accept our divinely given identity.
    Motto: Remember who you are and whose you are.  
    Scripture Verse: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. – Psalm 139:14-16
  4. Habit Value – Our habits will develop our character and conduct.
    Motto: We are our habits and our habits follow our thoughts. 
    Scripture Verses: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. – Mt. 6:9-13
  5. Learn Value – To be a disciple is to be a learner and a follower. Every circumstance, situation, challenge, difficulty is an opportunity to learn. 
    Motto: Never stop learning. 
    Scripture Verses: And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. – Luke 2:52
    And Jesus said to them, ‘Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.” – Mark 1:17. 
  6. Wisdom Value – It is not enough to have knowledge, we need the right application of knowledge and understanding.
    Motto: To be wise is to exercise knowledge and understanding. 
    Scripture Verses – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. – Proverbs 1:7
    The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. – Proverbs 9:10
  7. Faithfulness Value – When faced with temptations, we need to trust the faithfulness of God.
    Motto: God is faithful; he makes a way to escape temptation. 
    Scripture Verses: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13
  8. Self-Control Value – Followers of Jesus are to have self-control as a part of the Spirit’s fruit in our lives.
    Motto: We are saved by faith alone, but not by faith that is alone. 
    Scripture Verses: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23
  9. Courage Value – To be a man is to have courage and confidence in God.
    Motto: The Bible tells us 365 times not to be afraid. 
    Scripture Verses: Fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

Feel free to take these values, mottos, and verses and use them in your own homes for family worship and a time of devotions. The mottos and values have specific theological, personal, practical, or family significance. It might be a good idea for you to write your own memorable mottos.My aim with these values is to help my boys develop clear affirmations of who they are in Christ and what God expects of them. We will quote the verses together, remind ourselves of the mottos, and discuss how these values apply in their lives. There are a few more values we have not covered yet. I will post the additional values later in the summer.

You don’t have to use these values. But I will tell you this, you are teaching your children values. What they see you do, what you model, and what you value is being imbedded into their hearts and lives. Some might say to me, “How can I teach what I’m not living by myself?” My answer is that these values, and the others I will share are all aspirational. Reviewing them, memorizing them, and discussing them afford ways to review your spiritual life and encourage depth and growth with your children/grandchildren.

Photo by MacDonald Almeida on Unsplash

Review of the SBC Annual Meeting 2025 in Dallas, TX

Again this year I had the privilege of attending the annual meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention as a messenger. The two days spent together with fellow messengers are essentially the only two days of business for the denomination. The polity of the denomination functions similarly to a church with congregational governance. Major decisions, budgets, appointments, leadership, etc. must all happen in a gathered room with messengers making those decisions. Below are some observations from this year’s meeting.

Historic. The 2025 annual meeting of the SBC was historic in nature. Exactly one hundred years ago (1925), two integral components of SBC life began: the Cooperative Program, the Baptist Faith and Message. The Executive Committee was also established around that window (formed in 1917). With the advent of the Cooperative Program, baptists from all over the United States were able to give through their state conventions and then on to the national convention. The Cooperative Program operates as follows. Each state convention keeps a percentage. In North Carolina, the BSCNC keeps 50 cents of every dollar and then sends 50 cents onto to be distributed nationally. Of every CP dollar given roughly 50% goes to the IMB to send international missionaries, 25% goes to the NAMB to support church planting, replanting, and SEND Relief (disaster relief efforts). The six seminaries receive a proportional amount of what is left based upon enrollment. And a final small percentage goes to the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission as well as the Executive Committee. The cooperative element of Southern Baptist life allows missionaries to go to the field, churches to be planted, and seminary students to be trained. The genius of the Cooperative Program is that forty six thousand churches can combine their giving to support institutional mission and educational structures.

The Baptist Faith and Message was first adopted in 1925 establishing a confession of faith that articulated doctrinal clarity for a denomination that at the time was eighty years old. Building upon the New Hampshire Confession of Faith, the BF&M has become a guiding document that instructs and determines friendly fellowship between churches. Revised in 1963 and 2000, the BF&M serves Southern Baptists as a confessional document for consistent doctrinal application.

The Executive Committee also began in that era (1917) as the standing leadership for the denomination to accomplish tasks and responsibilities for the denomination outside the annual meeting. The EC then and now serves the purpose of the legal and formal representation of the will of the messengers between annual meetings. 

We should not minimize the significance of the institutional history of the SBC. With mainline denominations shuttering doors and prominent seminaries moving or declining, the health of the SBC one hundred years after the establishment of these three components is something to be grateful for. Southern Baptists do not always agree. We face challenges annually and will continue to do so. But our shared history, love for cooperative missions, and willingness adapt to our polity make us a denomination with lasting capabilities. 

Difficult. Sometimes denominational actions are difficult. Over the past several annual meetings, the messengers have done things good and bad. From waiving attorney client privilege for an internal investigation regarding sexual abuse allegations to implementing reforms in the area of accountability for pastors and churches to facing legal bills, decisions at the annual meetings have consequences anticipated and unanticipated. One of the more significant actions of this year’s messengers was approving a financial plan with budgeting considerations for addressing lawsuits. Over the past several years, SBC actions have been perceived as defamation and lawsuits against the EC, SBC, and Credentials Committee have been filed. Fighting these legal challenges is costly. The desire of the messengers in recent meetings has overwhelmingly been aimed at pursuing integrity and transparency. So this year’s budget requests funds for legal fees. While no one likes spending money on legal fees, the SBC is the largest Protestant denomination in the US existing in a litigious society. While we may lament the necessity to pay legal bills we are obligated financially and legally. 

Troubled. At almost every recent SBC meeting, I’ve attended, there have been motions calling for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission to be defunded or abolished. One of our seminary presidents referred to the ERLC as a “troubled” entity. Rank and file baptists have expressed frustration at the ERLC for calling out conservative and Republican politicians and for accepting funds from sources that are not aligned with the SBC in values and worldview. The ERLC has the unenviable task of addressing policies in a divided political climate. A motion was made to abolish the ERLC once again. While the vote to abolish fell short, more than 40% of the messengers voted to abolish. We should pray that the ERLC board and officers hear the concerns and adjust accordingly. In my estimation, it would be devastating to lose the commission as a voice for the SBC in Washington, D.C. Nevertheless, when such a significant percentage of the messengers vote concerned, the entity should take notice.

Grateful. Parents, we raise our children, not to live at home, but to leave our homes, get married, and begin families of their own. While we may always desire our children to remain close, a sign of good parenting is sending your children away prepared and ready to face the world. Likewise, one of the greatest signs of our denominational values and health is in our sending. Our mission mandates sending (Matthew 28:16-20), and our denomination exists essentially as a cooperative body for mission sending. In 2024, the IMB commissioned 423 missionaries, connected thousands of Southern Baptists on short-term mission trips, and advanced in Project 3000 by engaging unengaged people groups. Last year more than 63,000 people professed faith in Christ due to IMB efforts, thousands of new churches were started, and 84,000 new leaders were trained. We cooperate confessionally in order to send missionaries. Why? Because 166,338 people die every day across the world and enter a Christ-less eternity. 

Highlights. At the luncheon for the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Dr. Albert Mohler noted the health of the Southern Baptist seminaries. Your six Southern Baptist Seminaries (The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, and Gateway Seminary of the Southern Baptist Convention) are six of the ten strongest seminaries in the US. This is because the seminaries are committed to theological fidelity. This past graduation at SBTS, students from more than 13 countries graduated and walked. There were actually students from the Ukraine and Russia to graduate from SBTS. While their countries are at war, the gospel unites believers for the spread of the gospel. Dr. Mohler also made two other observations that should encourage us. First, while Southern Baptists will gather and argue about a great many things, at least we are healthy enough as a denomination to gather, argue, and debate. Many other denominations are not healthy, not gathering, and certainly not growing because they are not committed to biblical inerrancy and authority. Second, the SBC annual meeting may be one of the only places in the world where people in skinny jeans and others with fat ties can gather for mission cooperation and denominational decision-making.

Part of what makes being a Southern Baptist good is that we are diverse. We are imperfect. We disagree. We are overwhelmingly conservative, biblical, missional, and complementation. But we are diverse in the application of doctrine and practice.

If you would like to hear more about the SBC Annual meeting 2025, visit us at Wilkesboro Baptist Church on June 18 at 6 pm. I’ll be giving a more thorough review to our church family.