family

A Tale of Two Deaths

Nearly eight years ago (1/16/2018), my mom died of a massive heart attack. Last night (1/9/2026), my dad died sitting in his recliner at his apartment. In those eight years, my dad grieved, faced depression, moved from Kentucky to Millers Creek, faced surgeries, falls, and a multiple myeloma diagnosis.

My mom’s health journey was long and difficult with many health issues she could not control, but her death was sudden and unexpected. My dad’s health journey has been long and difficult, and his death while sudden was expected. When I left him yesterday afternoon, I didn’t expect it to be last night, but we knew it was on the way.

Death is a horrible enemy. It is relentless. A number of years ago, I preached through Psalm 23. In that most famous psalm, David penned these words, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). Several things stood out for me as I studied this verse.

First, the Shepherd who leads through green valleys and still waters is still leading through the valley of the shadow of death. In my mom’s sudden death, we saw the Lord leading and showing grace given the many other health challenges she faced. In my dad’s journey these past several years, the Shepherd was leading as well. Even in sorrow and illness, my dad was not alone.

Second, the valley of the shadow of death casts a long shadow. We are trained to think of death as a moment in time when one’s heart stops beating. But the imagery of Psalm 23 indicates that David viewed death as an enemy with tentacles reaching into life to entangle the living. Dad experienced death in this way over the past few years. From depression that began with my mom’s death to the isolation brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic, to chronic health issues from life choices to the incurable multiple myeloma diagnosis a couple of years ago, death’s shadow reached my dad long ago. The moment of death was last night, but the moments of death have been many and varied over the past few years.

Third, death is a real enemy but not an ultimate one. David ends the Psalm, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever” (Psalm 23:6). David’s testimony reminds us that the believer may die, but lives on forever. Death took my dad last night, but my dad is alive in the presence of the LORD forever. He’s with the LORD, many of his loved ones who have already passed, and with my mom, the love of his life.

My dad’s suffering and death have taught me some things about the goodness and mercy of the LORD. Sometimes stubbornness is a gift to the living. My aunt was talking to me earlier about how my dad got some of his stubbornness honestly from his mom and his grandfather. And boy did he. He was stubborn, strong-willed, and just didn’t listen to much of what I told him these past several years. I’ll never forget him raising his arm, looking at me and the hospice nurses and declaring in that commanding tone I was so familiar with as his son, “I’m ready to die, and I would just as soon die sitting right here in this chair.” My dad’s stubborn will to live and to die in his chair was granted. He lived as long as he did because of his stubborn refusal to give up.

Sometimes God’s goodness and mercy is shrouded in unlikely clothing. There have been many times over the last few years that I struggled to see the goodness and mercy of God in my dad’s circumstances and my responsibility to care for him. My dad struggled with pain, cognitive decline, weakness, and his attitudes reflected these difficulties. As a caregiver, at times I’ve been angry, resentful, frustrated, argumentative, and plain difficult to be around. But even in these challenging days, God’s goodness and mercy chased us.

From his Home Instead caregiver to his deacons at church to church members who brought him meals and doughnuts, God reminded him and me of his goodness and love.

  • God showed his goodness and mercy through my wife’s practical, problem solving advice. In my frustrations and complaints, she was always quick to find and offer solutions. Nearly every major help my dad received traces back to an idea or suggestion she made.
  • God showed his goodness and mercy through cancer nurses and steroids. My dad was always at his best behavior when we went to his cancer infusions at the hospital. I think it was because the cancer nurses coddled him and treated him so well. I’m deeply grateful for the doctors and nurses that helped him battle the cancer and encouraged him along the way. Dad, my siblings, and I made the decision to stop his cancer treatments last spring due to weakness, loss of appetite, and other side effects. At that time, none of us thought he would make it through the summer much less the rest of 2025. But a steroid and moving off of cancer medications restored his appetite and gave him several months of quality living.
  • God showed his goodness and mercy through hospice care. I’m thankful for Mountain Valley Hospice who provided guidance for this season of my dad’s life.
  • God showed his goodness and mercy through many friends, prayers, encouragements, and moments even when I had trouble seeing it.
  • God showed his goodness and mercy through a family in our church who showed up at my dad’s apartment to sing Christmas carols. They sent me a video of him listening and even singing along.

My dad and mom are no longer with us. I deeply miss my mom’s prayers and even the stories she would tell over and over again. I miss my dad always asking about my sons even when his memory wasn’t great. I even miss his ornery orders that he would give me nearly every time I went to care for him. From now on, January will always be the month of two deaths. The tales of my parent’s deaths are much like the stories of so many friends, family, and church members that I’ve gotten to know. But their tales don’t end in January 2018 and 2026. For the death that our LORD died some 2,000 years ago means that my parents are more alive now than ever before. The death that our LORD died means that however I go through the valley one day in the future, I know that I will live forever in the presence of the LORD.

Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

“To Children Belong the Kingdom”

My devotional reading today came from Mark 10 where parents were bringing their children to Jesus. The disciples rebuked them for bringing children to Jesus. Evidently, they perceived that Jesus’ ministry was too important for children. But Jesus made the staggering claim that to children “belong the kingdom of God.”

Here’s the story from Mark.

13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Mark 10:13-16

It is important to grasp the historical context in contrast with our contemporary view of children. In American culture, children are cherished and prized. Often we build our lives around their schedules and live our dreams through them. But in most ancient cultures, children were not valued to such a degree. Child mortality rates kept parents in some cultures from naming their children until they were five. While Jewish views of children were better than their Greco-Roman counterparts, children were still perceived as lowly and unimportant in society.

Yet, the text tells us that some parents perceived that Jesus was unique. They recognized that having Jesus bless their children was a priority. And Jesus welcomed them! Children have a unique sense of trust. Their trust muscles are exercised at an early age where they learn to depend on others for their basic needs. Trust is the human response to the gospel. This is one of the reasons why children respond to Jesus and why the kingdom of God belongs to children.

Recently at our church we’ve baptized a number of folks and some of those have been children. This past Sunday, we had an 8 year old girl publicly profess her faith in Jesus. We also had a 9 year old meet with our Children’s Minister to talk about faith. She professed faith as well and will be baptized soon. What I love about the most recent children who have come to faith in Jesus is that their parents have been their primary evangelists. This is as it should be.

I love telling children, adults, and teenagers about Jesus. It is a privilege to help others come to faith in Christ. But it is biblical when parents are the primary evangelists of their children. I firmly believe that all Christians are responsible to share the gospel, but we are especially sent to those around us with the message of Christ (see Romans 10:14-17).

Parents and grandparents, you are especially sent to your children and grandchildren with the gospel. Like the parents in Mark 10, will you bring your children and grandchildren to Jesus?

Here are several practical suggestions for helping your children meet and follow Jesus:

  • Pray for them. The mother of the 9 year old who came to faith in Jesus this weekend shared with me, “We have prayed for this day since we found out we were expecting her!” Of those children who have come to faith recently in our church, many of them have been on my personal prayer list. And several of them have been on the regular prayer lists of those in discipleship groups together. Only God can save. When we pray for the salvation of our children, we admit dependence on God to convict, make alive, and rescue from sin. If you are not regularly praying for the salvation of your children and grandchildren, start today.
  • Talk with them. God, faith, church, and the gospel should be a regular topics of family conversations. Some of these conversations can be formal, such as family devotions (see below), but many can happen just in the regular happenings of the day. Parents and grandparents, if you have a vibrant faith, then this will be natural. The more you walk with Christ, the more normal it is that Christ is a consistent part of your conversational life.
  • Share with them. Both of my boys responded to the gospel during our times of family devotions. Family devotions don’t have to be intimidating. Start small and short. Your maximum time should be one minute for every year of your youngest child. For example, if your youngest is 5, your maximum devotional time should be 5 minutes. We used a children’s Bible and Bible story books when our boys were little. Now we are reading a paragraph a night from the New Testament and closing in a time of prayer.
  • Bring them to worship. Dads, I’m going to aim this one at you. I believe the Bible teaches the husband to be the spiritual leader in the home. This means that husbands should take the lead in family devotions and attending worship. Too many husbands and dads wait on their wives to get them to church. Most of those children who have come to faith recently in our church have families that attend worship regularly and dads that lead their families to worship. Dads, think about this. You are responsible for the spiritual lives (eternities) of your families (children). What you make a priority they will as well. For you single parents out there, especially single moms reading this, I know your life is tough. As a church we’re suppose to be your support and community. At Wilkesboro Baptist, Sunday school and Awana (Wednesday pm) for children (pre-k through elementary) and Sunday school and disciple-life (Sunday pm) for middle and high school students are our programs aimed at communicating the gospel and biblical principles for your children and teenagers. We believe in helping them learn the gospel. We can be your support system. Let us know how we can help you.
  • Follow Jesus. While the principles of Christianity can be taught, doctrine can be communicated, and the message of the gospel preached, following Jesus is often “caught” as much as it is “taught.” Following Jesus is something we should demonstrate. In a recent lecture series on preaching, John Piper reflected on the three means for life change in a church: exhortation, supplication, demonstration. Those who don’t know Jesus need to hear the gospel (exhortation at home and in the gathered worship experiences at church). They also need to be prayed for (supplication). But the main way our children and grandchildren will come to follow Jesus is if they see you following Jesus (demonstration). How you follow Jesus (or don’t) will influence the faith practices of your family. Do they know you pray and read the Bible? Do they see you value church? Do you serve others and invite your children to be a part of serving your church and community? Parents and grandparents, when you bring your children to worship, let them see that it matters to you. Sing. Give. Bring your Bible. Take notes. If you are engaged, in the gathered worship experiences, they will learn to be as well. I’m not suggesting that you be perfect. Nor am I suggesting that you flaunt your faith for your children. But if you follow Jesus, the life you demonstrate will reflect the gospel to those around you.

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash